A Harvard study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that asking a question, then asking two follow-up questions about the person’s response, can make you a more likable conversationalist. This “three-question rule” to a conversation makes the other person feel heard, respected and appreciative of your presence.
As leaders involved in conversations, we need to be immediately engaged and likeable. Not because we need more friends or an overwhelming need to be “liked”, it’s because we need to be heard.
This technique is simply an icebreaker, an opener for the “real” conversations. The real conversations will most likely be more intense and serious in nature. So having an opener that makes everyone feel at ease is important. This might sound trivial, but leaders need to get past this and embrace this right-side brain technique.
By the way, this is not just a technique for work, this works in all aspects of our lives. If you are at the car dealer getting your car serviced, start with questions that have nothing to do with the car transactions. It makes everyone feel more included and might even get you a coupon for extra savings!!! When time for three questions might not be an option, like on a phone call, focus on at least one ice breaker. It could be as simple as “how are you today”!
So, what follow-up questions can we use for our new “three-question rule”?
– Questions that show additional interest (starting with the initial question). Stay on the same subject and ask next level probing questions.
– Questions that are very generic (unrelated to initial question). Sports, weather and current events are always great engagement questions.
– Tip: Try these techniques on friends and colleagues to help you perfect your technique.
The bottom line; leaders that ask questions engage people and might even learn something from the answers.